The Shopping Trip
Part I
Therese Szymanski
“Oh, god, Fred, pull over – there’s a store over there that I want to check out!” I said to my friend as we drove down Valencia. I was spending the day with my old roomie and Designated Fag Boy Fred.
“Not another bookstore?” he said. I’d already pulled him through three of those.
“Not at all. In fact, this is one store you might enjoy,” I replied, leading him across the street from where he had miraculously found a parking spot.
We were barely in the store when he understood what I meant.
“Oh my god, what’s this for?” he asked, holding something up.
“That’s a Rabbit,” I said. “It’s a vibrator.”
“I know that. But I mean, you don’t put the entire thing inside, do you?”
We were distracted from my answer by a clerk nearby who was showing a wide variety of butt plugs –- and explaining their relative merits -- to a heterosexual couple, the male of which was turning increasingly red.
“Just pick one and get me out of here!” he said in a maniacal whisper to his partner.
Another het couple was leaving just behind us, bag in hand.
“I want to know what they got,” Fred whispered in my ear.
“You are not allowed to question people, ‘What’d ya get?’ understand?” I warned as I went off to look at the lubes.
Part II
Laura DeHart Young
I continued to inspect the various offerings behind the counter and was
just about to ask for some assistance, when I felt a hand on my shoulder.
“Rachel, hello! You know, you promised to call me this week -- and I’ve
been waiting ever so patiently.”
Smiling meekly, I stared into Candy’s big blues. “Hi, Candy. I’ve been
a little busy. But you were definitely on my call list.”
Candy threw her thick blond hair over her shoulder and huffed, “Well, just
how long is your list, darling?”
“Oh, not long. Not long at all.”
Candy smiled, running her tongue slowly across her lips. “Why, baby doll, don’t you know why I’m here?”
“What do you mean?”
“Why I’m here at this store, silly. I was looking for something special in anticipation of your phone call. And now, what luck! You’re here for the fitting!”
Part III
Peggy J. Herring
“Then I’m sure I’ve got oodles of surprises for you,” I informed her. “I’ve already got 99% of the trinkets in this place.” With a wink I added, “Already sized and fitted for maximum enjoyment.”
“Oh,” Candy said with a cute little pout. “Did other women buy these trinkets for you?”
Not liking the sound of that, I assured her that I had acquired my unusual collection on my own over many years. Fred had worked his way back toward me and leaned closer to whisper, “Who’s the twinkie?”
After I quietly suggested to Fred that he check out the lube display for new flavors, Candy tugged on the sleeve of my shirt to get my attention again.
“There has to be something in this store that you don’t have.”
I gave her my undivided attention as well as my sincerest butch grin and said, “The only thing in this store that I haven’t had the pleasure of experiencing yet would be you, my dear.” I placed my hand on her back and ushered her toward the rear of the store. This shopping trip was turning out better than I expected.